The Revolution Will Not Be Televised

youtube

2009-02-22T18:51:00.001Z

I did a youtube video

twitter

2009-02-10T21:22:00.001Z

I made an 'account'- follow me on it =]

www.twitter.com/tonnan16

it seems easier and more fun than blogging tbh

Jesus Christ

2009-01-31T00:28:00.004Z

ahh, there's this famous optical illusion that's messed up my eyesight. jesus christ is everywhere, and he's different colours. and I don't think I overdosed on paracetomal.

anyway, snow day today. it was amazing, snow is inexplicably beautiful, beautiful beyond words.

though, I suppose saying inexplicably and then going on to describe it as 'beautiful' is in of itself a slight contradiction.

but it was lovely, the snow temporarily engulfing the surroundings, coating it with picturesque sheet of white. it's a great feeling- the whole city united under one, more or less harmless, beautiful crisis. the vast majority of pedestrians I saw on the street today couldn't help but smile, and enjoy it, regardless of what commitments they were missing.

today i carried about five armfuls of snow (from the mound that has over the past day accumulated on my windowsil) into my shower and I'm going to leave it there until it melts or someone gets very pissed off with me. there was no particular reason for this act of randomness, but it'll be interesting to see how it last in the comparatively tropical climate of my house.

after much deliberation and extended pondering/bearded stroking, I've decided to move over to a youtube, semi-regular 'blogcast', which will be pretty different from what's currently going on in my blogging life (and indeed has since I first started a blog on wordpress back in the january of last year). for this to be possible, first I need to acquire a decent webcam, and possibly contemplate shaving on a more regular basis (going 8 days untrimmed-a suprisingly sexy look that I may keep for my portrayal of Wicksteed in the upcoming production of habeas corpus).

you might have noticed my haphazard construction of this blog, and occasional lack of capitaliazation. add to that ever-growing list the rather recent mispelling of capitalization.

not bothering to properly articulate myself and instead speaking in a stream of consciousness is liberating. on second thoughts, blogging isn't so bad, unless you allow yourself to become a word wielding perfectionist in a desperate yet perpetual failure to find the exact, flawless way of expressing yourself.

I like to think that i've hit a new high. spiting society and its ideals via my improper use of language. that last jumble of words between the first period and the previous period wasn't even a sentence- see how far i've come. my usage of the word 'period' leads me to believe that i may have become american again. shit, maybe this means my braun is gradually regressing back into a babylike lack of maturity and general inarticulation (is that a word? i don't think the new me even cares).

to conclude,

is awesome.

until i get a webcam, love, your friend, dominic

2AM Crams for Exams, Blogcasting and 'Wordle'

2009-01-25T20:13:00.013Z

The above picture is a link to an exceptionally handsome diagram detailing my most frequently used words in a lovely graphical format. I was most pleased to see that 'badassery' and 'coinkidink' made the cut. I don't know how accurate it really is, but whatever the case, it's certainly the height of badassery.

I'm currently on a four day weekend because I've finished all my exams. They've all gone fairly well, seeing as last night I got about two hours of sleep. My mind was racing, and I was incredibly ill. For some reason, my brain operates in such a way that when I want to revise, it forbids me from doing so, and when I want to sleep, it keeps me awake.

I recall a half hour segment of the night where I was barely awake, but my mind was in hyperactive mode, and had for some reason unbeknown to me decided that 2:30am was an opportune moment to revise the intricacies of the film Gilbert Grape and the musician Daniel Johnston for my English Language exam, just in case there happened to be a question on them. Nice. My mind had literally constructed half an essay comparing the two, before the sane (or should I say, saner) part of my brain informed me that I was a fucking idiot.

To be honest, I’m pretty bored of the blogging scene. It takes too long to formulate suitably awesome sentences. I’ve been throwing some ideas around, and I think it’d be pretty cool to have a regular mini ‘blogcast’, where I rant/talk in a semi-scripted manner over a semi-shit microphone for five minutes or so every couple of weeks. Stay tuned for the first one- probably after my exams and after the school production and after my birthday and after I’ve collapsed due to fatigue and slept for upwards of 27 straight hours. Any thoughts on the prospect of blogcasting?

Obama and I are going to die

2009-01-13T12:00:00.011Z

So, I’m back at school, only to be greeted by a mountain of work and a persistent cold. On the bright side, Obama is going to be inaugurated into Presidency on the 20^thof January. This date, completely coincidentally, happens to be approximately 23 days away from my birthday. This incredibly strange coinkidink makes me surprisingly happy.

In any case, I’m sure the majority of the world is glad to be rid of ‘that retarded cowboy fella’. With that been said, part of me will be slightly disappointed to see him go- we had some good times:

Not to sound morbid or anything, but I fear for Obama’s life. He’s a pretty groovy guy and all, but there are so many white racists in the USA that the chances are one of them is smart (stupid) enough to assassinate him.

Personally, I wouldn’t mind being shot by someone. If I do get assassinated, it’d be for one of two reasons: either I’ve made it big or even better, slept with someone’s mum. Actually, I’ve already accumulated at least two haters. First some genius bastard tried to trap me by leaving dog shit right outside my house and now this comment. I'm more hated than fucking Simon Cowell. Fuck.

On a side note, I saw Slumdog Millionaire and it was damn good. I nearly cried, but then again, I nearly cried when I saw Inkheart. Movies tend to have that effect on me. I must be overly sensitive or very feminine... but what’s new?

Happy New Year

2009-01-11T16:35:00.009Z

Happy New Year! Although I don't really have a resolution (quite possibly due to the fact that I fell asleep at a disgraceful 11:30 on New Year's eve), I've been working crazy hard.

Anyway, I apologize to you, dear readers, for my recent lack of activity and I hope to make it up to you someday, possibly via the medium of interpretive dance.

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While I'm still here, check out the following:

Lil Wayne- Mr. Carter, the first rap song I've loved for a long time

Roadrunner's Blog on PC Gaming and other thoughts that float into beautiful brain in an eloquent stream of humorous written word.

and last but not least:

J-Man's Existentialist Gamer, a similarly awesome blog, combining philosophical ponderings with beautifully unbiased commentary on games and movies and music and douchebaggery

I have great admiration for both these fellows. Not only are they able to produce blogs on a semi-regular basis (I'M SORRY OK), but what they write is the height of badassery.

Until next time, friends! Next time will be at exactly 12:35pm GMT on Tuesday, scheduled posting is awesomer than a bacon sandwich. I somehow lost the post though, so I'm going to have to completely rewrite it in a couple of minutes. Gosh darnit.

Happy Holidays

2008-12-24T17:55:00.003Z

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Have a lovely Christmas, and a most excellent new year.

Mario's Secret, Drama, and Spiritual Enlightenment

2008-12-19T12:03:00.007Z

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Something’s wrong. The words aren’t magically appearing on the page like they’re supposed to. Damn. Usually I'd give up and come back another day, but I did that yesterday, and the day before. I might possibly be having a slight case of blogger's block, but it’s nearly Christmas and I’m tired. Very tired.

And naked. Not really, but a bit. Half naked anyway. I’m lacking any sort of headgear, my hands are without any form of attire, and my feet are completely exposed. In my opinion, this constitutes half nakedness.

...

I was in a show the other day... it was absolutely amazing; I haven't had that much fun in quite some time. The crowd was appreciative and even laughed at my opening entrance through the aisle, an improvised 'dance' in what can only be described as an almost drunken trancelike swagger (orgasm face present, apparently).

Now, I've orgasmed, I've fallen in love, I've electrocuted myself multiple times but there’s nothing quite like drama- for me, it’s almost an out of body experience. You’re not even consciously making an effort to move, or say anything. This time was different- I’d never really acted as myself (if that even constitutes acting). This time, if I messed up, it wasn’t my character messing up, it was a slight variation of myself messing up.

It's such a beautiful thing: the ending, the culmination of so many emotions- anxiety, depression, happiness- all come together in about a minute of sheer orgasmic ecstasy... the applause, the recognition, the bliss of it all! If I were to psychoanalyse myself, I might put my love for the stage down to an inner lack of self confidence. But yeah, I love drama.

Last night I considered getting up about an hour early and walking to school in a quest for the elusive old spiritual enlightenment. Since I have no sense of direction whatsoever, it is quite probable that I would have found the meaning of life. This morning, strangely enough, my legs convinced me otherwise. Maybe next term.

... Maybe.

Attack of the Moths

2008-12-19T00:00:00.014Z

If they had an album, then I’d advise you to buy it. If they had an upcoming gig, then I’d advise you to go it. If they had any supercool stickers that one could stick on one’s rear-end for no apparent reason, then I’d advise that you grab some of those too.

But since the above are impossible, then I’d advise you check them out here

I'd also advise that you check out the vocalist's legs, but that's really only meant for the masturbating googling viewers mentioned above. Despite being morbidly obese, the bassist also appears to be somewhat talented (I KINDOF SORTOF LOVE YOU IZZY).

I must say that although the tracks on their myspace are pretty awesome, they’re so much better live- look them up, fool!

Grape Lady, Adverts, and Zits

2008-12-10T20:52:00.015Z

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Yes, that was recycled content from about a year ago back from my wordpress escapades but hey, I’m running dry. In any case, there is something so hilarious about the plight of Grape Lady and her overpowering bitchiness/fanatical desire to triumph in a somewhat trivial competition. This reminds me to remind you to watch Gilbert Grape, my favourite movie. The young Leonardo DiCaprio is simply amazing; it’s the only film that can make me cry time and time again.

You may have noticed some adverts on the right-hand side of your screen. Do not panic. I have not ‘sold out’. Said ‘sponsored links’ are merely a figment of your overactive imagination. But if one were to click one of these (imaginary) advertisements, one might potentially earn the author of this blog approximately 20p. However, I would strongly advise against this, unless of course, one is in need of invisible ‘rabbit rampant’ vibrators or make-belief facial hair.

Today I was informed on two separate occasions that I had spots on my face and I’d just like to thank them for bringing thiscompletely unobvious snippet of truth to my attention. I think that the aforementioned zits may be a direct result of shaving, which provides me with all the more motivation to become a brown haired, lanky Santa Claus figure over the Christmas holiday.

To conclude: watch Gilbert Grape, don’t click imaginary ads, I’m lanky and have a good night. Sorry for the brevity of this post, expect more anecdotal anecdotes in the not so distant future.

God- what a c**t

2008-12-02T22:07:00.004Z

God, I didn’t really mean that if you happen to be watching right now. I’m not sure that’d he’d even have time to read this, unless the well known conspiracy theory rings true that, in actuality, I am God. In any case, I’m sure God wouldn’t mind being called a vagina; after all he did create them (THANK YOU).

Whilst we’re still on the subject of vaginas, I slept with a cat on Friday. I’m sure that God would approve of this; it was a match made in heaven. Please note that the ‘cat’ in question was quite literally a female feline- in any case, I’m not nearly cool enough to refer to the opposite sex via colloquialism. I’m proud to announce I didn’t revert into my former bestiality habits, as this could also potentially cause me to be classified as paedophilic (the cat in question was less than half a year old).

God’s existence is a subject of much debate. Some might argue against his existence, whereas some may simply gesture in my general direction. But of course, that general direction is everywhere, because by definition he is everywhere and everything (I think). Other than the devil, because that would be antichrist. Not really, but I like using the word antichrist. I’m of the opinion that this world is too bizarre and wonderful to have been created by pure numerical chance, but at the same time, it’s too fucked up for there to actually be some greater being overseeing us. I think whoever he/she is/was they left this world a long time ago.

But if you happen to be here, I quite like you. In fact I’d say my affection for you is bordering on love. If you’re reading this, please cut me a break!

So, results for Posh-School-That-Costs-An-Unearthly-Amount-Of-Money-A are in. I got in, which is more of a relief than anything else. It’s more of a back up than anything else. I have no idea why, but I felt a sudden urge to make a Naruto reference. Unfortunately, I’ve only watched half an episode, so this makes it pretty hard to form any intellectual comment on the intricacies of Naruto.

But anyway, this is where you come in. All it takes is for you, yes, you to donate 50p, yes- 50p is all I’m asking. If 60,000 of you donate that amount, then I’ll be able to go to Posh School A. Not that I have any great desire to do go to said school, but please email the money to tonnan16@yahoo.com. I may be forgetting that my fan base actually consists of approximately two people, one of whom may possibly be related to me, and I may be overlooking the fact that it’s impossible to email money, but that’s beside the point.

I had lots more to say, but my mind operates in such a way that the harder I try to remember, the more I forget. I think there’s a word for that, and I sincerely hope that the word I am thinking of doesn’t start with the letter ‘A’.

I’ve been doing a lot of creative writing lately and I may make these available to the general public sometime in the near future, but mostly its disjointed crap that acts as a temporary therapy for me.

Mystery Jets/Kid Harpoon/the Kooks tomorrow!! Until next time, my friends...

Interpretive Dance, School Interviews, and My Masturbation Habits

2008-12-01T12:35:00.000Z

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T2ZO4fu1c4Q&hl=en&fs=1]

“Behold, the future of mankind foretold in the medium of dance.”

ahahaha

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Part of me feels compelled to begin this with a rhetorical question: am I the only one who frequently attempts to ‘scan in’ into their house using an oyster card? The aforementioned rhetorical question is of course completely answerable and thus isn’t really classified as a rhetorical question, but to call it a rhetorical question seems just that much more exciting than calling it just a regular old ‘question’.

Moving on, I’ve got another interview for school today. This one promises to be a significantly less gruelling process than the interview that ‘happened’ to me last week. I use the term ‘interview’ in the loosest of fashions- it was effectively five mind-numbing hours of nervous flittering about in what can only be described as ‘a mass gathering of teens (lacking alcohol and in frivolous attire), taking it in turns to be escorted into an isolated room by a teacher, only to be drilled to point of breakdown by said interrogator’. But somehow that phrase is not quite as catchy as the word ‘interview’. Unfortunately, the ratio of time spent doing something to time doing nothing was about 1:5... this made the nerd inside me terribly sad.

I’m still not sure why but I didn’t really like getting interviewed. I thought I would cherish the opportunity to talk about myself for a shameful amount of time. I wasn’t even particularly nervous or anything. I think it might have something to do with my unremitting urge to say something completely crazy and my (often failed) attempts to suppress that urge. In retrospect, I think that took up a lot of my brain usage. I like myself though; I’m comfortable with myself—my amazingly awesome personality, my exceedingly handsome features, and my unique style of walking (that has more than once been compared to that of an overgrown penguin).

On a completely related note, I don’t touch myself, because that would be antichrist. In any case, for some reason unbeknown to me, I somehow don’t turn myself on enough to make that an enjoyable experience. I wrote a long in-depth analysis of why this could possibly be, but I decided to spare you this time. Alright then. Yeah... the bit where I talk about my masturbation habits (or lack thereof) has now officially ended, and we can refrain from mentioning this subject ever again.

I think I’ll end this entry on that note. Stay tuned for more musings, ramblings and elongated life stories. Possibly another amusing video, though I can't make any promises.

'Just when I discover the meaning of life, they change it'

2008-11-26T20:38:00.000Z

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Today I set fire to a tissue. In the kitchen. My dad promptly told me to evacuate the premises (though using somewhat less eloquent, more profane phrasing). By this time the tissue was fully ablaze in my hands as I burst into the hallway in state of euphoria that quickly deteriorated into the abrupt realization that the smouldering remnants were attempting to devour one of my fingers. I swiftly dropped the fiery ball on the (wooden) floor, where it continued to fester for a few moments before it finally disappeared with a grumpy crackle. Good god. The scent of burning skin still lingers on my slightly scarred finger.

I often feel compelled to performed random acts of madness, out of the sheer desire to do something completely bizarre. It’s a personality trait of mine. Until recently, I’ve been fairly successful in suppressing these urges, but as of late I’ve realized my life is far more interesting if I follow these insane notions. I’d like to take this opportunity to, for the umpteenth time, apologize to my girlfriend for thoughtlessly breaking her shelf in a desperate attempt to perch on the top of her wardrobe.

About a month ago I jokingly professed my love to the photography teacher, promising that I’d write him a love poem. The man kept me to it- and what I reluctantly produced, astonishingly, was not a Shakespearean love sonnet, but instead the following: http://tonnan.wordpress.com/the-dark-artist

A week or so ago, I looked back on that poem and I suddenly realized why I’m doing this. Writing is an escape for me; it functions as a brief interval in reality where I can reflect on the amusing moments in my life (filtering out the shitty, stressful and sad bits). It’s effectively the only place you’ll ever find a record of who I am, and who I was. And that’s a beautiful yet scary thing.

Things that I dislike

2008-11-19T18:10:00.003Z

1) Illness

2) Rejection from Posh School B. Tip of the day: don't play hard to get at the interview of one of the most prestigious schools in London (ie: tell them that they're your second choice, despite their invitation of complete confidence) and don't be completely honest about anything. I feel slightly deceived by the whole affair, but life goes on.

3) The facial hair on the left side of my face grows at a slightly faster rate than its right-hand counterpart. This could prove problematic when I ultimately decide to grow out my 'plumage'. Also, in order to go to Posh School A, one must be clean shaven. But in order to be a real hippy, one must possess at least some facial hair. Thus, I am faced with a difficult dilemma: to shave or not to shave.

4) GCSEs. It's absorbing a gigantic amount of facts of varying uselessness, sitting in an exam room, regurgitating as many of those facts as you can over a period of approximately two hours, and receiving a nice little certificate for it. I think I can safely say the only two I'm actually looking forward to taking are the maths non-calculator paper and the drama final piece. None of the career paths that I really want to do actually involve being scholarly, but I guess it'll be worth it in the long run just to buckle down and study my butt off L

5) The phrase 'everything happens for a reason' has appeared an irritating amount of times in conversation these past few weeks. I used to believe this, but now I've realized that it's absolute bullshit. There's far too much pointless suffering in this world. People don't die for reasons; people die because their heart stops beating. I'd really like to believe in some sort of religion, but The Streets perfectly articulate my feelings on this: 'I never cared about God when life was sailin' in the calm, So I said I'd get my head down and I'd deal with the ache in my heart, And for that if God exists I'd reckon he'd pay me regard'

The number of good things massively outweigh the bad though, so I'm happy enough. On a side note, the most frequently searched term to get to my blog is 'female mas***bation video' ahahah... until next time, friends